I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
