remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
