I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
