your thong is hanging out like whoa
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
