I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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