wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize