This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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