are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
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headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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