I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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