I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
