i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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