in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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