I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
