i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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