i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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