GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
