Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
