i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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