I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
