If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She's the barista slut.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
