you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
