Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
