Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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