She's JV to your varsity
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
