For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just invented taco cereal.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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