the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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