My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
