he shaved USA in his pubs
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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