i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
