On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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