I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
