i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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