hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
