Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
