i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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