"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
