So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
