You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
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You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
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I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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