so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
