I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I touched a dick in church today
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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