I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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