Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm really into asian looking animals
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
