I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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