The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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