Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
