Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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