He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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