i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
