Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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