we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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