no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
