And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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