dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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