I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
