You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The struggles of a small town man whore
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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