Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
