we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
