So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
