You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
