If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
time to smoke my breakfast
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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