well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
