She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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