From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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