he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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