I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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