I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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