I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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