Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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