I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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