So drunk its hurt
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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