You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
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Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
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I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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